dea_zinn (dea_zinn) wrote,
dea_zinn
dea_zinn

Stupid, stupid, stupid.....

I'm working now - I think I mentioned it before. I've worked a total of three days, last Friday for 4 hours, Monday day for 8 hours, and last night for 9 hours. Both Tuesday and today I had major problems getting out of bed at all, plus major pain flares. Plus, I really like the people I'm working with, and the job itself~and don't want to have to quit already.

Since SSD is still being the pants (I just got my lawyer's draft of the final appeal, and it sounds good, but....) we really need the extra money. My car is going to start falling apart, Elysa starts college and needs help paying her room and board...and our budget's tight. We can get by on Jeff's income, but no money for extras like a car payment, or a vacation other than staying at home. But, if I can't move or function on my days off, I just don't know if it's going to be worth it....

All of this is making my depression flare really high.....to the point where I've been weeping off and on all day, and when dh Jeff came home, I lashed all of this out at him, now he's pissed at my family, and wants to dump the whole thing in my brother's lap - but he's pissed at me 'cause I threw it all at him as soon as he got home, and threw off our swimming schedule, and his evening plans......

I could just.........hurt myself over this. I know its wrong, I swear I'm not here for sympathy, I just don't have anyone else around who understands and can get what I'm going through. I HATE feeling like this, I hate living like this, it just all sucks. And, I don't know what to do.....  
Tags: family, pain
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